Case study shared with the Loss and Hope project
St Peter’s first developed the idea of a bereavement café in April 2024. Pastoral encounters made us aware of an unmet need, that of a space to discuss death, dying and grief. We knew this needed to be a place of no judgement, no agenda, and where people could find a listening ear and a place to talk.
The groundwork involved prayer and training. We needed to develop skills in responding to those who have experienced loss, whether recently or a long time ago. Further, to be sensitive to the associated emotions and experiences. Even though, as a team of mainly Church of England clergy, we lead funerals, and regularly meet bereaved families, we appreciated that there was still much to learn.
I had encountered AtaLoss before, and this persuaded me to look at what they have to offer in terms of training. The team and I then booked onto most of the courses. An important aspect of the training was the Bereavement Friendly Church Charter. This continues to inform our thinking as we develop the bereavement café.
It opened in September 2024. We didn’t have any pre -conceived ideas as to who would attend. We created a space for candles for loved ones. In addition, we made room for conversation, and to sit and just be around people. The guests were made aware there was no obligation to talk with anyone if they didn’t wish to.
Co-op Funeral Care donated tea, coffee and biscuits. We invited local undertakers and asked them to share details of the bereavement café with families attending funerals. We made it clear it was open to everyone, from all walks of life. Our helpers not only lead funerals regularly but also have experience of personal loss. This has proved invaluable and reinforced the training from AtaLoss.

We noticed that the café particularly appealed to widowers. And although every loss is unique and affects people differently, we have discovered common threads. This has assisted those attending in supporting each other, and peer support is developing.
We have been working through the Bereavement Friendly Church Charter, exploring how to best meet the 12 marks. The bereavement café has helped us do this. We have been looking at how we provide appropriate support to bereaved people, trying to ensure when faith questions arise that theological messages are helpful to those who are bereaved and we support the bereaved with signposting to bereavement support services.
One of the by-products is the return of our Blue Christmas service, paused during the Covid pandemic. This is in addition to our All-Souls service and other remembering services.
The support from AtaLoss and the Loss and Hope initiative was instrumental in helping us start to become a Bereavement Friendly Church. We hope that as we continue in this, the Church will become a place where respect, respite, comfort and peace are readily available. The Bereavement café in Irthlingborough marks the beginning of this mission.
Rev Josh Jackson